Hating this!

Hey,

Ok, ok, I said I would tell you about the American Idol contest.
Well my friend Erin sang and she did an amazing job, so she won first place.
Cassy was supposed to sing while Steve played guitar but she got too nervous so she decided not too.
After all the people that had signed up went several people started pointing to Steve and asking him to perform.
So he finally agreed and went up to the front.
He just made up most of the song on the spot and he did pretty good.
Afterwards they announced that he won 4th place!
Woo, I knew he would win something.
He kept telling me how bad he did and how nervous he was but I thought he did a good job.
Yesterday he gave his prize to Cassy, that was really nice of him.

So anywho, last night me and Steve were gonna order Chinese food but we couldn't find any menus.
So we went over to Butterfield and decided to go visit Cassy.
We ran into somebody that told us that she was in Brandon's room.
So we went in there for awhile and hung out.
Then we starting talking about God and the Bible.
It was weird talking about everything in front of Steve but you know what? I didn't care.
So after awhile we left to go order some food.
So we had like 10 left while we were going over the menu in his room and then suddenly Marissa walks in.
She asked us if we wanted to go to Denny's and I said I had been there the last 2 nights in a row.
Then Marissa got this really angry look on her face and ran out and of course Steve went and chased after her.
By the time he finally came back (which was over 5 min of me just sitting there by myself)it was already too late to order any food.
I think he did it on purpose cause he wanted to go to Denny's.
So then 2 minutes later Marissa calls his cell phone and then he tells her that I don't want to go.
So they get off the phone and he is like, "I'm going to Denny's"
Then he kept asking me to go with them.
I didn't really want to go but I decided to, so I went and got my coat then I sat down in the lounge and waited while everybody upstairs hung out and talked for like 15 mintues.
Then Steve came back down on second floor and I asked him if they were still going to Denny's.
He said that he didn't know and he thought he was going to order pizza instead.
So he went to his room and ordered.
Ten minutes later everyone comes down to second floor and Marissa is like, "Steven, you not gonna come!?"
She looked really upset and I felt super bad.
So then everyone left and Steve was just kinda sitting there looking bummed out.
So of course its all my fault.
Gosh, he could of went!
So we are just sitting there and I'm trying to make conversation but he isn't saying much of anything and then he layed down and shut his eyes.
So I got up and left and then came back.
So when the pizza finally came we both had some.
I gave him some extra money for the pizza just cause he buys me enough food as it is.
Then he layed down in his bed and shut his eyes while I just stood there!
I'm like, "umm..I feel really dumb just standing here"
What the heck?
So I kept asking him if he was going to bed and he was like, "I think so..."
So I said goodnight and went back out into the lougne.
I went to see if his light was on under his door 30 minutes later and sure enough they were.
It was so obvious that he wasn't really going to bed, that he just didn't want to see me.
My goodness, he could of just told me that he wanted to be alone rather than just try to play it off and ignore me!!
I'm so hurt right now.
My mom called this morning and I started crying over the phone.
I don't want to be annoying to anyone and apparently Steve finds me annoying or something.
I hate it here, I hate it.
Boys make me so sad.
I really don't think I will ever have a boyfriend.
My goodness, it should have happened by now!
I'm 20 freaking years old!!
I got my first kiss in college, that is so lame.
I feel so lame, so immature.
I can't see any guy truly loving me.

Sometimes I just wish I was a little kid again, you know?
No worries about having a boyfriend, or falling in love, or if I'm pretty or thin enough.
I just played Barbies then and hung out with friends and rode bikes.
It was the best of times.
Never wish your childhood away, cause you never really get it back.

I just want to make someone happy.
I'm gonna go lay down.

~Peace Out~ Liz