Am I that bad?

Hey there.
My weekend sucked!
I think it was the most boring weekend I've ever had.
Steve didn't want to hang out Saturday night cause I think he just wanted some alone time, so I just sat around and did nothing for hours.

Yesterday I cried alot.
I cried because I'm lonely.
I cried because of Steve.
(why does Steven Tarnow have to make me so happy one day and dissapointed in myself the next!!!??)
I cried because I can't stand myself sometimes.
I cried because I wish I felt special.
I cried.
I needed to get everything out.

I feel like their is this huge burden on my shoulders.
I feel sooooo unhappy, just cause I want to be with someone.
Dude, why does it have to hurt so badly?
You can tell someone that they don't need a boyfriend or a girlfriend but that doesn't take away the pain.
They are still gonna want to be with someone.

I've been trying to do homework but I can't concentrate....
My head feels like its spinning.

I'm so happy for Cassy.
She is truly being blessed right now and all her hard waiting is paying off. Its so nice to see her happy again.
I remember seeing her months ago when she was super stressed out and looked sick.
I'm so proud of her and I love her dearly.

You know what?
Despite how I'm feeling, I do feel pretty today.
My hair looks stellar and I feel kinda thin.
Its just nice to feel that way sometimes.

So yeah, I haven't talked to Steven today.
I thought maybe its for the best.
I think he is getting sick of me and I don't want to annoy him.
Crap, I don't know what to do....

I wish there was a place I could go to escape from everything, just for one day.
Just breathe in fresh air and think about things, you know, really think about things.
And I could talk to God about everything and anything.
But I can't be alone here at college, and i can't be alone at home.
So I guess for now, I could just be alone in my mind....just me and God.

~Liz~