Saying Goodbye

Ok, where do I start? ..seriously
The last week of the semester was a HUGE mess.
So yeah, I believe is was on the Thursday of our last week of finals and Gary IMs me and asks me if I want to go hang out with him and Fred in the snackbar.
So yeah, I'm super bored and I can't find Steven for lunch so I go over.
..so we just hang out and talk for awhile and then I bring up the topic of Steve and Sarah.
Gary and Fred suddenly have blank stares on their faces and they are both like, "we didn't want to tell you this but we have to.."
So apparently Steve and Sarah have liked each other for about a month and had been making out in the back seat of Sarah's car. and they decided not to tell me, their own best friend...nice
Yeah, I know what you are thinking, no biggie, right?
Well, I'll have you know that Sarah knew that I am crazy about Steve and she pursued him anyway.
Now what kind of girlfriend does that?!
You don't go after the guy that your friend likes!!
..and the fact that they both knew it would hurt me and they hid it from me.
AARRRGG!!
So I was in complete shock and I went back to my room and I called my mom.
and I guess Gary and Fred drove to the resterant where the whole theatre group was having lunch and they told Sarah that I knew and that I was pissed.
So I went to Josh's room to go talk to him and after awhile I decide to leave, so I set my purse on the windowsill outside of his suite door and low and behold Steven and Sarah have just pulled into the parking lot right below the window.
So I run back inside Josh's room because I no-way-on-earth want to talk or see either of them.
So for over 3 hours I guess they waited outside of my door sitting in my suite waiting for me (according to my roommate) while I just hid in my friend's rooms the entire day.
..and they waited in his room for about another 4 hours.
So Marlaina finally convinced me to go up and talk.
So I talked to Steve for about an hour and it was so hard.
I just couldn't stop crying.
I refused to talk to Sarah (she sat in his room while we talked in his suite).
Steve kept telling me that he was sorry.
..and he said that they weren't going to date for 3 reasons:
1. because of how I feel
2. because steve isn't a christian and sarah's mom doesn't approve
3. because steve is going away to another college
Finally I left and went back down to hang with Marlaina, Mike and Josh and we watched "40 year old virgin"

The next day I went to lunch with Steven and we talked some more.
Then I finally told him that I wanted to be on good terms before we left because I didn't know when the next time I would see him would be.
So yeah, every night after that, before we left, we hungout even though I'm still hurting.
The day before we left we went to the mall to get Christmas presents for each other.
I bought him a Senses Fail shirt (hot pink and black WOOT! WOOT!), a braclet, a pin and the Gex 3 N64 game.
He got me the Punk Goes 80's cd which I have been wanting for awhile now.
So we listened to that and it was AWESOME!!
He said he wanted to get me more things but he was short on money.
It was so hard to say goodbye.
How do you say goodbye to your bestfriend..not knowing when you will see each other again?
Believe it or not I didn't cry, and I thought I was going to.
Right before we left I told him that even though I am still hurt that I forgave him and that I don't hold grudges.
So we said our "I love yous" and it was goodbye.
Oh yeah, and before he left he gave me his tiger blanket that I love so much, yay!

So I didn't talk to Sarah for about 2 weeks and we finally talked a little bit at the Christmas party at our church...that was ok.

Then yesterday we talked for awhile and cleared some things up.
I mean sure, I'm still hurt but life goes on.
It will take some time before I can trust her again. you know?

I turned 21 on New Year's Eve and Steven finally called me and we talked for awhile.
It was nice and I miss him so much.

So yeah, I hate how I had to deal with all that crap but at least I don't have to anymore.
Next semester is going to be so different for me without Steven around.
I can finally move on and like other guys (hopefully!)
I think its going to be easier to let go because he won't be there.
A whole campus of guys awaits me! tehe
I'm not really looking for someone but I never know what will be right around the corner...

~Liz~