Hmmm....

I just want to know? Do things ever really get better and easier?
When do you know what your supposed to do with your life?
When do you know someone actually really cares about you?
When someone says I love you..do they really mean it?
Will life ever stop being boring...?
It just feels meaningless sometimes...life that is.
I know its not, but its just that I feel like I do the same old thing every day.
Isn't there more to life than this?
Where is the excitement?
I hate feeling alone...I'm surrounded by friends and I have a family that loves me and I seek God all the time yet I feel terribly alone.I feel like I always somehow let my friends down or annoy them...and it seems like nobody ever wants to do something different or exciting.I want to meet someone that will do exciting things with me.....like hike up a mountain, who will have a picnic with me in the park, who will build snow forts with me, who will make home videos with me..the list goes on.
I want him to make me laugh all the time, and hold me when I cry.
Where is this man?
Does he even exist?

I want someone to say that they are a better person because they knew me.
I want to change peoples lives.
I want be somebody to remember.
I want to make some kind of difference in this world.
I want to make people laugh all the time.I want to be in a band and play guitar.
I want to change.... but where do I start?

I'm sick of college, and I'm sick of home(even though I haven't been there in 2 months).I don't want to work next year..I want to go to another school...but where?
Where do I go?
What do I do?
I have no idea what direction to take next in life....and its so frusterating!

Another great day alone in the lab

Hey there,
yes I need to update more, no knew news there.
I'm at work right now, I only work on Fridays, 3:00-9:00
sooooo yeah, I went to the mall with Josh last night and I bought the coolest bag ever!
Its shaped like an electric guitar and it has rhinestones and its shiny!
Ahhhhh, I love it and I have never seen anyone with it so yeah, I feel special.

Also, I dyed my hair black and blond underneath and it looks amazing!
But I have to fix it so there is more black and I want to make the blond like white blond.
I feel so pretty.
It was the first thing I ever really did daring with my hair and I really like it.

So yes, things with me and Steven are good I suppose.
He still isn't himself around me at times, maybe things will never go back to how they were.
He is leaving next semester and it going to be so weird for me here with one of my best friends gone.....but life goes on right?
I'm going to miss him like crazy and it just won't be the same here.
I love him but I have learned that I have to let him go.
We can't be together and he doesn't want to be together.
I've let go of that notion finally, and trust me, it wasn't easy.
I see it now in that if we are ever meant to be together again then it will happen in the far future and if not than God has somebody waaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more amazing in store for me.
..and you know what? thats really exciting!
I've never really been treated like a princess.
I've never really been swept off my feet.
I've never really been called beautiful everyday.
I can't wait to meet him, I really can't..and I hope I'm everything that he is looking for...

~Liz~