Bored..and cold

I hate it here.
I feel so alone, and I can't stand it.
My room is freezing because no heat is coming out of the heaters.
I'm sitting here in my dorm room with my winter jacket on.
How terribly sad...
I'm trying to decide if I should go to bed early or not.

So I went iceskating today with Steve, and Danielle, and Yu, and Erin, and Jason and a whole bunch of other people that live on campus.
We rode a bus there and it was fun.
The school made us lunches and it was cool.
The only thing I hated was that there were too many little kids there and they were in the way.
Yu skated really well for it being her first time on the ice.

I wish I wasn't so prude...ok maybe I'm not prude..but I feel prude.
The last person I kissed was Steven..and that was last year after spring break.
..and I feel dumb, cause I'm still a virgin and all..I feel so weird.
Everybody talks about how great sex is and I hate it.
I think that people don't think I want sex or something.
But actually I've been wanting to have sex for a long time now.
Gosh, I can't wait....well ok, I've already waited 20 years so lets just say that I'm excited about it.
But at the same time I'm thinking I would probably be very nervous...but I'm sure everybody is their first time.
You know?
Its just been so long since I've been kissed and I need some physical contact.
I don't want it to be with just some random boy though.
I'm just not like that, I'm not that kind of girl.
I want to cuddle, I miss cuddling so bad.
Its the best feeling...to have someone hold you in their arms.
(sigh)
I've been feeling really depressed lately.
Its hard being all alone.
I suppose things will get better.
Hopefully....

Well, I might go to bed now.
I'm bored outta my mind.
..and obviously none of my friends will be coming over..

BIG SURPRIZE! ...they NEVER do..

Peace Out ~Liz~

All Alone

Hey there,
Yay! My dad got my internet to work in my dorm room....that makes me happy.
Valentine's Day was alright I guess.
I really wasn't that upset.
I gave cards to alot of friends and I made cookies for all my guy buddies.
Deep down there was still that desire to spend that day with someone amazing.....
..I'm not sure if I will ever spend a Valentine's Day with someone...
I hate it..I really do..

I just got out of class (Art Appreciation) and that test wasn't fun.
I should have studied more...
Before class I saw a girl I went to highschool with (one of my best friend's sister) and she obviously was now dating a guy that I had seen her with last year.
They kept on kissing and hugging close while they were sitting down and it was totally killing me and making me extremely jealous.
Dude, I need physical contact!
I'm 20 years old and my hormones are raging...this so isn't cool..
What is wrong with me!?? Seriously..I just don't know.
I saw the most gorgeous guy today...in fact, I keep seeing him.
Maybe its a sign..prolly not though
I wanna talk to him, but what do I say?
"Hello, I'm Liz"
ha, no

So now I just want to cry.
I just want to crawl into a hole and cry my eyes out.
Yes, I am thankful for all my friends but I need somebody closer.
You can have all the friends in the world and still be lonely.
I want to be in love so bad.
I feel so sad..so empty.
I keep praying for this guy..and he is out there somewhere..I think
I just don't know anymore.

And Steve has been a jerk lately.
Never comes to see me ever and I think he really likes Marissa.
Not like there is anything wrong with him liking Marissa...I just wish I knew that he wanted to hang out with me too..considering we are good friends..
'sigh'..I just don't get it

I miss home, I miss my family.
I just wish my mom was here. To just hold me while I cry.
I'm trying to look on the bright side, really I am.
I'll be ok...

I'll update more while I'm working On Friday afternoon.

Peace Out ~Liz~

Hey look, I'm at work now

Hey everyone.
No, I still do not have the internet in my dorm room computer.
Actually I'm at work right now, you heard me...I have a job.
I work at the art computer lab in the AB building as a lab monitor.
Today will be crazy..I have to be in here from 3 until 9
KILLER! I know, but basically its like I'm getting paid to sit here and go on the computer and watch people.
Ha, cool job...I know.

So college has been good so far this semester.
I've made alot of new friends and thats cool.
Annie has a new roommate (again, ha) and her name is Yu (spelling?) and she is from Japan.
She is like the cutest thing I swear!
She is so nice and she is very pretty.
She really wants to get better at speaking English but I guess it will just take time and practice.
I met one of her friends today.
I can't remember how to pronounce her name but she was really pretty and very nice.
She seemed to know more English than Yu.
I really enjoyed talking with them today, it was the first time I acutally really sat down and had a conversation with Japanese students.
Yay! I guess you could say I have Japanese friends now..how cool is that?

My classes are going pretty well.
Environmental Science and Art Appreciation are the worst.
They both go from 6 until 8:50.....blarg
I hate long classes because its so hard to just sit there for a couple of hours and listen to somebody talk about something that really isn't quite that interesting.
Honestly guys..it sucks.
Oh well, I only have the classes once a week so I suppose it isn't the end of the world.
My art classes are going well too.
Figure Illustration is the best...its just such a fun class.
I'm sad though because after this semester Amy, Lynsey, Flo, Alissa and Becah won't be here anymore.
They will be graduating.
I'm gonna miss them all so much.
They have become my buddies, especially Amy.
She is such a sweetheart.

I haven't had much luck with boys lately.....
And I still have the same problem as last semester....
......nobody comes and visits me in my room.
Dude! I hate it so much.
I asked Steve last night why he never comes over and he said it was mostly due to the fact that Shana makes him feel uncomfortable..
Grr....Gordo said he feels the same way.
Dude, I miss Cassy....

I am so LONELY!
Yes, I know you prolly hear this in every entry but its true!
I'm trying to wait patiently but seriously now...its just taking forever.
I haven't really had a good long cry in awhile but I kinda did last week.
I was all by myself and watching a show where this girl had this awesome boyfriend and it just made me think....."I want that...I want it so bad!". Then I just starting crying.
Why is it so painful to watch stuff like that?
Is there an amazing guy out there for me somewhere!?

Please keep me in your prayers...I really need some help dealing with feeling so alone.

Oh yeah, and Terri...I really want to call you but I can't call long distance from my dorm room.
My mom said that you sent me a letter but I haven't been home to read it yet. Miss you :)

~Peace Out~ Liz