I wish I could understand boys........

Well, hey there, I'm Liz. I'm new here but I bet you already figured that out. I'm a 18 year old chick that just started college this year. I think I like it but life is hard all by yourself. You know? Well, I just want to say that boys are offically dumb so its a must to throw rocks at them! hehe..ok, I know that isn't nice but it would be truly fun and entertaining. I will definentely have to tell you everything that happened while I have been here. First I will start off telling you about Steve.... Well, here is goes......The first week of school I had my eye on this super cute guy, named Tony and I ended up meeting him (I never thought that I would). But it just so happened that we had classes together. Well, the next day I met his room-mate/friend Steve after a night-time volleyball game. Me and Steve have so much in common! But for the next couple weeks I was head over heels with Tony. He stayed up really late with me one night talking and he hugged me goodnight. What was really strange was that the next week I really started getting into Steve and I knew he liked me too. So we watched a movie one night and he started to get all snuggly. So for like the next week we snuggled just about every night and it was such a good feeling, sometime I had never felt before. So, one night I knew he was trying to kiss me and I didn't know if I wanted him to so I moved away when he tried. The next night he tried again and I let him. I am so mad at myself because I kinda got alll nervous, it being my first kiss and all. I kept telling him that I couldt do it and he kept asking me why. So I had to tell him that I had never been kissed and make a fool out of myself. It was so horrible. He kept trying to make out and it felt so weird. I went back to my dorm room at about 5:00 in the morning and I was shaking all over. I know it sounds dumb but I felt so weird. The next day was strange because I kept thinking about the night before. Me and Steve hung out and he came over to my room and layed on my bed. I went up there (top bunk) and I layed next to him for awhile. Then Katie (his ex-girlfriend) called and he said that he had to go. Before he was about to leave he said "Liz, I think we should just be friends". My heart dropped to the floor and smashed into a million pieces. I told him that we had to talk so we both sat down and talked for about 30 min. and he said that he still had feelings for Katie and that he didn't think that I was ready to be in a relationship. He told me that I acted different that day, I wasn't the same. I don't know what he meant because I seriously thought that I acted the same.....hmmm......So I cried my eyes out right in front of him and he didn't know what to do. He kept saying what a jerk he was and what he did to me did make him a jerk for the time being. I know this is dumb but the next week we started to cuddle again and we ended up making out 3 times that week. The day after the last time we did he said that we had to stop because he still had strong feelings for Katie even though he still had feelings for me. Well, him and Katie went back out for awhile. But it didn't last. In fact, they broke up a couple of weeks ago and guess what? I think he is back into me again. But it truly doesn't matter cause he broke my heart. How do I know that he won't do it again? I knew him and Katie weren't going to last, he just put himself into heartbreak with her... I was so upset for a long time but now we are just good friends. I'm still lonely though...you know? Being single all your life isn't exactly happy times. Well, desiring a boyfriend has been going on since who knows when....prolly since 9th grade. The truth is that I have never even had a boyfriend. 18 years and forever single, that what it feels like. Actually, I can't figure out why I can't get one. Its either the fact that guys are insecure to ask me out, I can't find a Christian guy, or that God just feels like making me wait for an eternity..... Life sucks sometimes....... Well, I'm pretty tired...tell you more about myself and my life later. Peace Out ~Liz~