I hate you...

There is this face I see, this mouth I feed

This broken body, only broken inside, this fragile soul, this clueless mind.

I hate you, I hate you...deep down inside. Its like a disease that never goes away, that never fades. Its eats you inside out until you can't stand it anymore. Until you bleed tears and scream your fears.

I hate being lonely, a sickness only few can cure. You try to explain but nobody understands, nobody but God. He makes you wait and teaches you patience and your clock ticks away and the future is all you think about because you can't focus on the present. Most of the time you appear happy to others around you but deep down you just want to disappear. Maybe nobody will notice your gone, maybe they won't even miss your voice. It doesn't matter...its not even that your insecure or hate who you are, its the fact that nobody in this world can love you will their whole heart. You want to be the most important thing in the world to them. Without you their life is meaningless, so meaningless. Every morning when they arise the first thing they think about is you...and all they wanna do is kiss you or hear your voice.

You just wanna hold someone's hand, locked in an eternal embrace. You NEVER want to let go...ever......You just want them to wrap their arms around you and never let go, to call you theirs.

This medicine I take can't take all the pain away. Day and night I think about what could be, where I could be. Who I would be with, could be with, will be with...if it ever happens.

This is the story of a girl that dreamed big but couldn't win her biggest dream. Couldn't find him, couldn't reach him, couldn't impress him. He didn't see her, he didn't yet exist. Only in her mind did she see a vision, a picture. His face too sweet, those eyes like sapphires and emeralds, his hair like the blackest nights and the brightest moons. His smile to make her melt into jelly. Those strong arms embracing, searching for something to hold on to. That chest oh so strong, intimidating even. That voice could sing her a thousand dreamy songs in her clever ear only to find out that she isn't good enough, she isn't ready, not prepared for the future.

Someday he will meet her there, someday. When the morning sun appears before her, he will be standing there one day, gleeming. Could it be he has found his princess? Is she ready, can she go on this journey with me? Where is all the trust? I waited for you, don't give it all away. I didn't waste sweet nothings on those other girls, that what he will claim. But his heart is good, different, full of truth. He is a rare jem, one in a trillion, but he is mine, all mine. Nobody can touch him, or lust ever him, I can never hate him. He is my prince. I waited long enough! Please don't take him away. Why would he want me? He could have all those other girls, I don't understand. There must be something different about me. Can he see me for my heart and not just my beauty? He will fall in love with my soul, the beauty the never fades, the truth that reigns. Our hearts with be woven into a web of love and trust and it will never be broken, ever...



Oh sweet misery, where are you?

This story, is a true story, a fine tale indeed. It does not yet exist, but it shall, oh it shall. Whenever that day comes this princess will be ready. Perpared to take the hand or her dear Prince.

This girl is me.

~Peace out~ Liz



Oh sweet misery, where are you?